just come out here and I will go home with you...
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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