Fine. I'll sleep in my office
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
