$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
