she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
