It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Congratulations! We have a period
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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