I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Is Oprah even human
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
