That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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