im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I think im going to throw up on grandma
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
