I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
