So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
