The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Everything about him screamed your future.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
