Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
