I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
