Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Panties = found
Randomize
