Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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