Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
