dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
