6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
