she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
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