There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
it was like eating out sand paper
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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