finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
