we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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