the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
