Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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