Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
