Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
