just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
