i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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