you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
