i love accidental penises.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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