the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
