WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
