Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
