I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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