this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
