butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
