You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
