Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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