So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
