My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
