I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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