I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We have started to decorate penises.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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