So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
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