You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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