I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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