all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
