Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
