No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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