Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
