I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
