i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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