lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
