The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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