We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
